My favourite episode….or please stop it...

How many articles I have read about Homeland the past three years?  Uncountable.

I have never heard so much praise for a show or an actor.

Tons of critics around the world have talked about the show and Brody/Lewis.

Every single praise for sure was correct and deserved, and made me a happy girl so why should I dare to criticize  or praise  Homeland? The problem is I don't have a specific favourite.

I have seen three seasons and will not watch another one and almost every episode followed me for days some of them for weeks.

But S01 E2 S01 E3 S02 E5 and S03 E9 had one thing in common: they make me feeling uptight let me saying: “please stop, I can’t stand it anymore.”  

When Brody suffering a PTSD attack in S01E02 and ended up crumbling into a corner in his bedroom.

It almost broke my heart. Finally at home and lonely as ever.  

An episode later I hated him with the same intensity.
S01E03 the bedroom scene.

Besides that it was so awkward to watch because I usually don't witness men masturbate.

But this was the loneliest and humiliating scene ever. I felt so sorry for Jess because it was so humiliating and as a woman it was pretty hard to feel understanding for him, and after this I never got back to the whole sympathy for him I have had before.

But that’s probably just me because I also felt that Soames

gambled away my love for him after the rape scene. I can be a strict person!

But the scene between Brody and Jess was so tough to watch. He is ruining the last bond between them and of course I felt sorry for him but I wanted to scream: "seek help man!"

Because even he is mentally destroyed and she is having an affair no woman should be treated that way. I have never expected he would go that far and was shocked that was really happening…. Because I was reading an article a couple of weeks later here in Germany and a soldier's wife told a similar story. The fact that Brody isn’t able to express feelings and isn't able to get intimate with the love of his life… she was at least when he left for war.

And the result is doing such a disgusting thing to her and to himself. And the fact that this is not a silly script in a tv show but the reality for a lot of women and their husbands made me feel sorry and  let me watch the scene and begging again: please stop. I can’t stand it anymore.

The amazing interrogation scene in S02E05 was beyond words.

I have never seen a better acted scene in films or telly. But after all this shit Brody did and even if he deserved a bit of a punishment that was too much for me.

The way he was sitting there and let us feel his pain was more than I could chew.

Again actors and writers toyed with me. They play this  psychological game again where you have to ask yourself about your opinions and moral weaknesses  and I had to confess that I felt sorry for a so called terrorist who messed up his marriage, his affair and his complete life and still feeling deeply connected to a man who tortured  and destroyed him and you know what…???

I understood him all the way through!! What does that mean for me and my own life?

This time I wanted to scream please stop not only for him but for me.

And in my final season (S03) episode nine left me desperate and shocked.

When I watched Keane I was sure that was the best thing I would ever see from Damian Lewis because I thought he couldn’t be better… then Homeland came along and after final episode

in season one I thought the same and after season two. And watching season three episode nine I wanted to run out of the room but couldn’t, it's like witnessing an accident you should not watch but you must.

Brody became a junkie and I thought I would suffocate watching it.

The scenes also painted a picture of his life….as he said he was through and we all knew it.

I have deepest respect that an actor let that happen… let us watch that kind of scenes. More unmasked and uncovered acting is not possible. It was almost that I was saying: no please Damian I don't want to see that” because I will never be able to forget.

Brody was gone long before the hanging scene. Maybe he never really came back from war.

Maybe he had never a real chance to get a life back. Maybe he is happy now. Finally.

Maybe he thought: “please stop. I can't stand it anymore .” 

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