If something makes you happy…don t let it go

To be honest with you the last weeks were quite tough most of all for my blog girls.

Sometimes in life you reach a point where you make kind of analysis about your life and you have to confess that you are not happy about certain things.

Everyone for sure has this point in life, perhaps even several times but for a patient with

Depression and anxiety it’s a small catastrophe and a big for your friends and family.

As a person with high anxieties you lose the skill to be rational and concentrate about your problems.

Everything is wrong and bad and your reaction is completely over the top.

I was no exception, I was so keen to change something but too weak to do so and that is a

  dangerous mix that never lead you to success.

I immediately started to be moody and selfish and most of all I felt everything was wrong for me

The blog included.

It was always one of my dreams to open a blog and I had never dreamed it could be such a success

But even this was suddenly worthless and believe me that is impossible to understand for your    partners. But I have more than partners…I have friends and it was one of the biggest experiences

I could make in life that friendship carries the load.

I tried hard to annoy my girls almost daily and punished them with stupid ideas and critics.

Every single time I did so I felt so miserable afterwards because my blog family deserved the best

and I gave a shit…I hated myself but the anxiety and dark thoughts were stronger.

The anxiety to go new roads almost kills you and let the depression say Hello again…

But I had something a lot of people don t have, I have friends who believe in me.

 I remember a song from Ronan Keating “she believes in me” “I don’t know what she sees in me”

The lines point out exactly what happened the last weeks.

My girls stood by my side they backed me up and gave me time to think about everything and

They had an enormous patience and never lost interest to push me forward and believed

In my skills and things I could achieve.

But as great as it is here sets in the problem a person with anxiety and less confidence suffer…

Its so hard to accept love in your life and let people be with you and have them close.

You instinctively try to keep them away a half arm length because love feels strange to you,

And even the fact that people like or recognize you of some kind is one of the toughest

parts in the life of a depressive person. Being loved is the most wonderful thing in the world but

for me it is simply not easy to accept. I lost some people because of this attitude but this time

my friends stayed and showed an enormous love and patience and one day

you get a kind of a shakeup…you realize that there is still a willpower deep inside you

and you try to take the risk of trusting people and most of all you try to trust yourself and

so I was finally brave enough to take the risk to change my life or at least to start with it.

My lovely therapist I recently found always saying: “let it flow” “it’s simple, just let it flow”

I did and she was right and by today I can honestly say that I learned a lesson during

The last weeks and I finally started to re arrange my life to the better.

I will start a preparation for an exam I wanted for years but was never brave enough because

I lacked the confidence but once you realize that everyone has to go to a crisis or a time of doubting

 sometimes and that friends are here for you to stand by your site than you certainly grew stronger

And you know the road of life has some curves but you never go alone when you are loved by friends.

I am not telling you this to bore you to death with the diary of psychic person but

If only one person with the same problems reading this and feeling a bit better afterwards than

I really reached a goal.

Be happy when you be loved by others, it’s the greatest gift of all.